


Here for You

by drisles



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Rizzles, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 20:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3461123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drisles/pseuds/drisles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maura helps Jane cope with a loss.<br/>[tumblr prompt: bubbles]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Jane Rizzoli. 38 years old. Homicide detective._ As the words that defined her rolled around in her mind, she couldn't help but laugh at her current situation: badass Rizzoli soaking in a bubble bath with mood lighting. It wasn't a humorous laugh, however. More of a defeated,  _how did I get here_ reflex _._ Nothing more than the releasing of breath; face muscles flexing. Because really, how could she laugh? She was in no position to be laughing.

Jane sighed and let her head fall back against the towel lined edge of the free standing tub. Her hands wandered beneath warm water, sliding over her stomach before she let her head roll from side to side as tears cascaded down her cheeks.

The detective was on the verge of sobbing when a quiet knock startled her.

"Jane," Maura's gentle voice called from the other side of the bathroom door, "It's me. May I come in?"

Jane quickly wiped at her face, hoping the dim lighting would help hide her tears. Sitting up slightly, she made sure her "parts" were covered by suds before answering, "Yeah, come in."

* * *

Maura quietly entered her master bathroom, shutting the door behind her. "Is it alright if I come over there?" she asked, wanting to be respectful of Jane's privacy, but so badly wanting to comfort her.

"I'm covered," Jane replied, trying and failing to sound cheerful. "You can come here."

The doctor adjusted the dimmer, giving the room just a bit more light before walking over to the tub. She set down the items she was carrying before sliding over a stool and taking a seat. Now sitting eye-level with the detective; her figure horizontal with where Jane's knees hid beneath the water.

Jane kept her eyes closed until Maura spoke again.

"I brought you some tylenol." Maura held out a glass of water and unfolded her hand, "it should help with the pain." Jane opened her eyes. "The  _physical_  pain," she quickly clarified, shaking her head, "sorry."

"Don't apologize," Jane replied with a raspy voice and took the offered items from Maura. Popping back the pills, she took a sip of water and held out the glass. "Thank you," she replied when her friend took it from her and placed it on the floor.

"Can I get you anything?" Maura asked, wanting to be helpful.

Jane shook her head and looked down, away from Maura's gaze. The kindness staring back at her was too much to take at the moment.

"Alright," Maura said, her voice quiet; gentle. "I'll let you relax." She went to stand, but was stopped by a wet hand on her wrist.

"Wait," Jane whispered and squeezed the delicate wrist. Maura looked down and was met with pleading eyes."Stay. Please. Stay."

Maura smiled weakly and sat back down. "Okay."

Jane squeezed once more before letting her hand disappear beneath the water.

The two sat in silence for a while. Jane's hands drifted back to her stomach and she rested her head back against the towel. Closing her eyes, she pulled in her knees, causing each one to peek out from the bubbles.

Maura leaned against the edge of the tub and reached out to touch a sudsy kneecap. She watched a small smile spread across Jane's face as her fingertips gently traced shapes on the exposed skin. Occasionally she let her hand slip beneath the water to gently massage a tense calf muscle before emerging above the surface to resume her soothing ministrations.

After a while, the silence was broken by a soft sniffle, causing Maura to look up from the water to see slow, steady tears trickle down her friend's cheeks. Her heart ached at the sight.

Knowing that talking was probably the last thing Jane wanted to do, Maura couldn't resist taking the risk. She rested her palm on Jane's knee and squeezed before saying: "How are you feeling?"

Moments passed without a response as Maura sat there, watching her friend continue to cry, refusing to open her eyes. She watched her throat twitch as Jane struggled to choke back a sob.

Wanting nothing more than to pull Jane from the water, hold her and make everything better, Maura resisted. Instead opting to dip her hand beneath the surface to find Jane's hand. The doctor almost burst into tears when she found its location: clutching at her abdomen protectively. Maura bit her lip and with her free hand, quickly wiped at a tear that had escaped.

After gently extracting Jane's hand from the water, Maura gave it a comforting squeeze and brought it to her lips, pressing lightly.

"Whatever you're feeling," she whispered soothingly between soft kisses, "it's ok to feel."

There was a short pause before Jane asked, "How am I supposed to feel?" Wet, brown eyes met hazel.

Maura was quiet for a moment as she pondered what to say. Even with all her training; all her knowledge, nothing could've prepared her for this. She looked up to meet Jane's gaze, noticing the hopeful, searching look in her eyes. She hoped understanding and honesty reflected in her own.

"I…" Maura began and sighed, "I'm honestly not quite sure." She felt Jane try to pull away, but Maura redoubled her grip, squeezing tight. "I wish I knew, Jane. I hate not having the answers," she paused. "I want so badly to say the right thing; to take your pain away." She kissed a knuckle. "I'm so sorry… please, know that I'm here for you. No matter what. No matter what you're feeling or not feeling, I'll be right here for you the entire time, alright? To talk or to listen… whatever. I'm here for you."

"I know," Jane whispered her reply. She hated feeling so vulnerable.

"Do you want to get out of the tub?" Maura asked. "You're looking a little prune-y," she said lightly.

Jane let out a small laugh and looked down at the water, noticing the bubbles that once shielded her had disappeared. Her cheeks blushed, feeling exposed, even though Maura's eyes remained on her face.

Jane nodded.

With one more squeeze, Maura let go of Jane's hand and stood up. "I'll go get the guest room ready," she said before stopping at the doorframe. "Actually," she turned to look back at Jane, "why don't you stay with me tonight?"

Jane smiled at her. "Thank you."

"Of course," she replied with a matching smile. "I put a change of clothes on the counter," she gestured to the vanity. "Take your time. I'll be in my room when you're ready," she said and closed the door behind her.

_How did I get so lucky?_   _How did I end up with a best friend who understands me so completely?_ Jane stepped out of the tub, her aching body causing her to wince. Once dry, shedropped the towel and walked over to the vanity, pausing briefly to look at the varying shades of purple across her abdomen, side and back. The detective sighed and changed into her sweatpants and oversized t-shirt.

After brushing her teeth (with the extra toothbrush Maura kept just for her) Jane emerged from the bathroom just as Maura stepped out of her closet, dressed in pajamas. Maura smiled when she looked up and saw Jane.

"I'm just going to make us some tea, alright? It might help you relax." The doctor placed a comforting hand on Jane's arm before passing. "I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable."

* * *

When Maura returned ten minutes later, Jane way lying on her back, eyes closed, head lolled slightly to the side with hair covering her face. Quietly, she set the two steaming mugs on the bedside table and perched herself on the side of the bed, taking a moment to look at her friend; her friend who had lived through so much pain. Reaching out, she gently tucked the stray hair behind an ear before resting her palm on her friend's cheek.

"I'm not asleep," Jane mumbled.

"I know."

Jane opened her eyes and gave Maura a confused look.

"Your breathing," Maura replied with a smile, "I could tell by your breathing," she clarified and continued to run her hands through Jane's hair, knowing it was soothing. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

Jane paused, taking a moment to look at her friend, seeing nothing but love and honesty. "I feel," Jane began, but her voice got lost. She cleared her throat and tried again, "I feel a lot of things."

Maura nodded. "That's normal, I think."

"Part of me feels sad…. then angry…" she drifted off, pausing for a long time. She was grateful Maura didn't push her; allowed her to take her time. "And maybe a little bit… relief. I feel relieved. Sort of."

If Maura was surprised by the confession, she didn't show it. Instead, she reached out for Jane's hand and held it between her own. Her thumbs massaged the scar tissue.

Tears started to roll down the detective's cheeks. "Relief because… because I would've been a horrible mother."

"Jane," Maura quickly responded.

"No," Jane said, "it's true. I mean, look at me. I couldn't even protect her while she was inside me."

"Her?" the question slipped from Maura's lips.

"No," Jane shook her head, "see, I couldn't even keep it alive long enough to find out!" Her tears fell rapidly. "I guess, in that sense, I saved him or her."

"Don't," Maura said, her eyes filling with tears. "Don't say that," she said firmly, cupping Jane's face, her thumbs swiping at her cheeks. "It's not true." Her friend's face was hot and flushed.

"Why," Jane gasped, "then why?" she begged for an answer. "Why is it that everyone I love gets taken away from me? Or-or leaves me?" she choked out.

"Oh, Jane." Maura's heart ached. Gently, she nudged her friend until she could slip in beside her. The doctor leaned back against the headboard, gathering Jane in her arms.

Jane clung to her, sobbing against her chest, hands twisting her pajama top. Maura held on, doing her best not to have a breakdown of her own. This was Jane's moment to grieve. She wrapped an arm around her friend, bringing the other to gently rest against the side of Jane's face, holding her close.

"You're my best friend and I love you, Jane. I love you and I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere," she tried to assure her. "No matter what, I'll always be here."

When Maura felt Jane begin to calm, she kissed the top of her head and gently stroked her hair.

"I think you'd be a wonderful mother."


	2. Chapter 2

It was sometime around midnight when Maura awoke. Having fallen asleep quite early that evening, she felt surprisingly well rested. Aside from the kink in her neck. Sitting up from her awkward position, she remembered why she ended up that way in the first place. Blindly, she palmed at the space next to her, feeling nothing but warm sheets.

"Jane?" she heard herself say as she squinted in the dark. She scooted herself to the edge of the bed to stand when light quickly illuminated the bedroom from the bathroom.

Jane paused in the doorway when she saw Maura sitting up, looking at her.

"Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," she gestured to the bathroom. "I had to pee."

Maura smiled and shook her head. "It's ok."

Jane flicked off the light and slowly made her way back to the bed, the darkness making it a bit more difficult. She winced in pain as she climbed atop the mattress.

"Are you alright?" Maura asked in a voice full of concern.

"Yeah," Jane said unconvincingly. "Just a little stiff. Achy." She rested back against the headboard and Maura reached for her phone, checking the time.

"You're due for another dose of medication," Maura said and went to turn on the bedside lamp, but was stopped by her friend.

"Don't," Jane said and gently squeezed Maura's arm, "don't turn on the light."

Jane felt safe like this, surrounded by the darkness of Maura's room. When she was with Maura, in her space, it was like the rest of the world disappeared; nothing else existed; nothing could hurt them. It was safe. Vulnerable, but safe and  _warm_. For some reason, flooding the room with light made Jane feel like it would break the protective bubble.

Maura turned her head, trying to make eye-contact, but the darkness made it difficult. "Okay," she said simply, without question and blindly felt at the bedside table. After accidentally knocking over a box of kleenex, she sighed. "How about a compromise? Will you let me at least use the flashlight on my phone so I can locate your medicine?"

"Fine," Jane sighed and they both exhaled a small laugh.

The flashlight provided just enough light for Maura to locate the orange pill bottle and water. "Take two of these."

"Thanks," Jane replied as Maura returned the items to the table. The doctor turned to face her friend, taking a good look at her. Reaching out, she placed a tentative hand on the detective's cheek, cupping it gently.

"You're welcome," she paused. "I just want you to be ok."

"I know," Jane replied with a small, sad smile.

With one more swipe of her thumb across her friend's cheek, Maura pulled away and shut off the light on her phone. The room once again fell dark and quiet.

Maura lay back down and settled in against the pillows. Feeling the mattress dip beside her, she assumed Jane had done the same. It was then she felt Jane's head come to rest against her stomach, torso snuggled up against her thigh. Maura had to bite back a sound of surprise.

Jane's body settled and relaxed against her and Maura reached down to stroke the messy head of hair. The position was surprisingly comfortable and she smiled at the fact that Jane had trusted her enough to be vulnerable and seek out comfort. She let her fingers move through curls as she focused on the faint thumping of Jane's heartbeat.

They lay like that for a while and Maura had assumed Jane had fallen asleep when her raspy voice whispered, "I always thought, out of the two of us, you'd be the one to get pregnant." Her hand came to rest on Maura's stomach, soft satin beneath her fingers. Maura tensed at the sensation before relaxing. Jane continued, "happily married to some fancy, smart lawyer or something."

Jane felt Maura's laughter against her cheek.

"You'd be better at it anyway," she added.

"At what?"

"Being pregnant."

"What makes you say that?" Maura asked cautiously.

Jane shrugged against her. "I don't know. I just think you would be." She paused, thinking about it. "You know that pregnancy glow that people always talk about?"

"Yes," Maura replied, her fingers continuing to massage her friend's scalp.

"You'd have that, I bet. You'd be glowing all the time. Smiley. And you'd be dressed in fancy designer maternity clothes."

Maura grinned from ear to ear when she heard Jane's next whispered words: "You'd be beautiful. More beautiful," she amended.

_Where was this coming from?_  Maura wondered, although not complaining. She'd been dropping hints for years.

"I think you'd be a wonderful mother, too," Jane repeated Maura's earlier statement.

Before Maura could respond, she gasped when Jane's hand slid beneath her pajama top, pushing the fabric out of the way before letting her hand rest on bare skin.

"Do you want kids?" Jane asked, her voice tickling Maura's stomach.

Once Maura collected herself, still unsure of where Jane was going with this conversation, she answered: "Yes and no."

Jane's fingertips traced shapes over goosebumped skin.

"I've thought about it," Maura began, "and sometimes I think I want to be the parent I didn't have. I mean, I love my parents and I know they love me in their own way, but… I want a chance to be better, to give my a child what I, emotionally, didn't receive. But when I think about what you and I see everyday; the evil of this world… or when I think about my own childhood… the isolation. The teasing. It makes me question whether or not I'd want to expose a child to that. The world is beautiful place, but humans can be very cruel," she finished sadly.

Jane's hand flattened against her stomach, as if she was waiting for a baby to kick.

Maura continued, sensing that maybe Jane just wanted to hear her voice. A distraction. "But then again, I can't help but think how rewarding it must feel to be a mother. To have someone to love and who loves me unconditionally in return. That would be nice."

"I love you," Jane whispered. "Unconditionally, I love you."

"I know you do," Marua replied, smoothing Jane's hair with her hand. "I love you, too. Unconditionally. Always."

"When I," Jane cleared her throat, "when I found out I was pregnant, you were the first person I thought of. When I got over the initial shock, I… when I let my mind wander… it wasn't me and Casey and our baby. It was you. Me and you and my baby. It could've been ou-our baby. If you wanted."

Maura felt her tears trickle down her side, tickling her skin. Her own tears blurring her vision.

"You would've been so good at it," Jane continued, her voice cracking. "As her aunt or… second mom… whatever, he or she would've been so lucky to have you."

"Jane," Maura exhaled.

"I'm so sorry," Jane began to shake against her. "I hate that I took that away from you."

"Oh, Jane," Maura felt her heart shattering. She couldn't believe this woman. This beautiful selfless woman who had just lost her baby and suffered a trauma, was apologizing, to  _her_ , for taking away the opportunity to be in her child's life. This woman. She loved this woman. "Sweetheart," Maura said in a shaky voice and tried to pull Jane up her body, but her friend refused to budge.

"I don't… I would never even think to be upset with you. I… it breaks my heart that you think that. You don't need to apologize."

Jane continued to cry, but Maura could tell that she was trying to calm herself in order to hear what she was saying.

"I'm honored, completely honored that you thought of me, that you would want me in your life like that. In your baby's life. And I would gladly take either of those titles, fill those roles. You know I would. But this isn't about me right now, it's about  _you_. If ever there was a time for you to be selfish, it's right now." Maura paused to rub one hand along Jane's back, the other came to rest on her cheek, holding her close against her stomach.

"I want so badly to take your pain away," Maura said, sniffling. "I love you and I'm here for you. I wish I knew what I could do to make it better." She moved her hand from Jane's cheek and placed it atop the hand resting on her stomach. Jane interlaced their fingers and squeezed; a silent acknowledgement that Maura had been heard. A thank you. An I love you.

Minutes passed and tears continued to flow. Their breathing was shallow. And then, Maura gasped.

Soft lips pressed against her stomach, just above her bellybutton. Maura exhaled slowly, her emotions switching from surprise to arousal to confusion. When warm lips continued to skim across her skin, Maura had to bite back a moan. The logical Dr. Isles would ask questions or put a stop to this, but the feeling of Jane against her so intimately was much too distracting.

"Jane," she whimpered as the kisses became more frequent, aggressive as Jane's hand slipped away from Maura's and traveled south, pausing to squeeze the woman's thigh.

Maura moaned. She couldn't help it.

The hand traveled back up, resting on her hip. She felt Jane's tongue sneak out against her skin in another kiss.

Encouraged by the sounds escaping Maura's lips and the fingers tightening in her hair, Jane continued a line of kisses up her torso, stopping just below her breasts.

Before long, Jane ended up straddling the doctor's waist. Maura looked up at her with arousal and confusion in her eyes, but before she could say anything, Jane's warm lips were against hers. Soft and tentative at first, waiting for Maura to respond. And when she did, Jane tugged at Maura's bottom lip with her teeth before sliding in her tongue. Maura's hands squeezed her waist, moaning at the sensation. Secretly, she had dreamed about this moment. They both had.

As they continued, Jane became more aggressive; her tongue dipped in and out more frequently; her hips thrusted, rocking them both. Over satin, her hand palmed at Maura's breast, moaning into her mouth at the sound Maura made and the feeling of a hardened bud beneath her palm.

"God, Maura," she exhaled between kisses.

Maura couldn't snap out of it. She continued to kiss back with equal passion and respond to each touch; meet each thrust. It wasn't until she felt a hand tease below her belly button that she was able to sober up.

"Jane," she panted, "wait."

The hand on her center crept back to her breast before Jane continued to kiss down her neck, sucking roughly.

"Please," Jane begged against her. "You said you wanted to make it better… take my pain away." She kissed the reddening skin, "Help me forget… I don't want to think about it anymore. Help me, Maura... I just… help me...  _feel_. I wanna feel something other than pain. I wanna feel you. Please." She accentuated with a kiss. " _Please…_  Frost… the baby…  _everything_ , I just….distract me," she begged. "Help me forget."

Maura was crying. As much as she wanted this, wanted Jane, wanted to to take her pain away. It couldn't happen like this. Not like this.

"Jane," she was able to get out, "Sweetheart, stop."

Jane abruptly pulled back and looked down at Maura. Maura watched as dark, clouded eyes cleared with realization

"Oh my god," she said frantically, "Oh...oh my god, Maura, I...I'm so sorry. What am I… oh my god," her eyes filled with tears as she tried to remove herself, but Maura held onto her, keeping her in place.

"Don't," Maura said gently. "You don't need to apologize. I'm not mad." She took a moment to catch her breath. "I want this,  _god_  do I want this. Want  _you_." She smiled up at Jane, "But not like this. You'd regret it."

Jane opened her mouth to interject, but Maura stopped her. "Shh, I don't mean you would regret the… act, but if it happened like this, frantic and in grief, for the first time… I know you wouldn't want that."

Jane burst into tears and Maura pulled at her, adjusting them until Maura held her from behind as the big spoon, letting Jane cry. Her body shook against her.

"Shh," Maura soothed, her voice whispering against Jane's neck. "It's alright."

"No," Jane got out, "it's not. I almost just-," she paused, overcome by emotion and her actions. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Maura assured her and laced her hand with Jane's, bringing it to rest over Jane's heart. "If it had happened, I wouldn't have been mad, Jane. I love you and I know you were just trying to feel better. I know how much you hate feeling vulnerable… helpless. So much has happened to you in such a short amount of time and I know you're feeling so much guilt and hurt… and I would've loved to let you feel anything but that, even just for a moment, but I know you and I know you wouldn't want it to happen like this."

She kissed the back of Jane's neck and squeezed her hand.

"We will get through this. And I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will get better and your physical injuries will heal. The psychological and emotional pain will start to ease, little by little. It might take a while and the pain of each loss might stay with you forever, but it will get easier. And I'll be here for you. For everything. No matter what, I'm here for you. Ok?"

Jane turned in their embrace to face Maura. It was dark, but she could just barely make out her features. If she could see her eyes, she knew she'd be met with honesty. No judgement. God, she loved her.

"I love you," she said, hoping the words were strong enough to also say:  _I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you for not running or judging me. For being here. For being you. For loving me._

"You're welcome," Maura said, like she was reading her mind. "I love you too."

"We'll get through this, right?" Jane asked nervously after a while. "Tomorrow… when we wake up I mean, it won't be weird? We'll still be the same? I can't… I can't lose you. Not now."

"You have me, Jane. Completely." She pulled her close and tucked Jane's head beneath her chin. "When we wake up, we'll be the same. You'll still be my best friend. I'll still love you. I'll still think of you as the strong, protective, loyal, passionate woman that you are. And I'll still be here for you. Always."


End file.
